The phrase "rule or ruin" is specifically addressed in the following passage from Ellen White's writings: "I was shown that so far as talk is concerned, A B is qualified to lead the meetings; but when moral fitness is weighed, he is found wanting. His heart is not right with God. When others are placed in a leading position, they have the opposing spirit of himself and his wife to meet. This unsanctified spirit is not manifested openly, but works secretly to hinder, perplex, and discourage those who are trying to do the very best they can. God sees this, and it will in due time receive its just reward. Rule or ruin is the policy of this brother, and his wife is now in no better condition herself. Her senses are perverted. She is not right with God." (4T 333.1) In this context, "rule or ruin" refers to a spirit or attitude where a person insists on being in control (ruling), and if they cannot have their way, they work—often secretly—to hinder or undermine others, even if it leads to ruin. This is described as an "unsanctified spirit" that is not openly manifested but works to discourage and perplex those trying to do good. If you need more context or additional references, please let me know! Reference: White, E. G. (1881). Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 4, p. 333.

Ellen White addresses the "rule or ruin" spirit as something that can be present in both men and women within relationships. She specifically notes that both a man and his wife can exhibit this unsanctified attitude, which works secretly to hinder and discourage others (4T 333.1). This means that a woman in a relationship can also display a "rule or ruin" spirit, and Ellen White clearly condemns this as not being right with God. Additionally, Ellen White counsels against domination or overmanagement in marriage. She emphasizes that neither partner should seek to control or dominate the other, but rather respect each other's individuality. She warns that trying to unreasonably bend a spouse’s will or treating them as inferior can lead to problems in the relationship, and that harmony comes through consultation and agreement, not control (4T 127.2). In summary, Ellen White warns against a "rule or ruin" spirit in both men and women, especially in relationships, and advocates for mutual respect, individuality, and propriety. References: - White, E. G. (1881). Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 4, pp. 127, 333. - White, E. G. (1915). Gospel Workers, p. 129.

There is no direct statement from Ellen White addressing the exact phrase "I wish you were not the father." However, her writings do address situations of family discord, disappointment, and the responsibilities of both parents. For example, she counsels fathers who have not taken their proper role in the home, noting that silence or fear of discord can lead to problems: "As the head of the house, you should have taken your position and not permitted things to go as they have gone. You have seen that things were not right and have sometimes felt anxious, but fear of displeasing your present wife and making unhappy discord in your family has led you to remain silent when you should have spoken." (2T 58.1) She also shares her own experience of heartache and sensitivity to family challenges, wishing that others could understand the difficulties she faced: "I have wished that some mothers could be circumstanced for a short time as I have been for years; then they would prize the blessings they enjoy, and could better sympathize with me in my privations." (LS80 324.1; LS88 324.1; 2SG 212.1) In summary, while Ellen White does not address the specific statement, she acknowledges the pain and challenges that can arise in family relationships and encourages both parents to fulfill their responsibilities with prayer, patience, and a spirit of understanding. She emphasizes the importance of not excusing sin, of working together for the good of the children, and of seeking God's guidance in family matters. References: - White, E. G. (1868). Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 2, p. 58. - White, E. G. (1915). Life Sketches of Ellen G. White, p. 324. - White, E. G. (1860). Spiritual Gifts, Vol. 2, p. 212.

According to available White Estate materials, Ellen White does not address the specific phrase "I wish you were not the father." However, she provides extensive counsel on the pain and harm caused by family discord, lack of unity, and absence of mutual respect between parents. She emphasizes the importance of openness, communication, and shared responsibility in parenting, and warns against coldness, blame, and lack of sympathy in the home. Ellen White's writings make clear that such discord and negative attitudes are deeply harmful and contrary to God's ideal for families. (See 2T 58.1; 2SG 255.2; 1T 157.2; SA 116.1; 2SG 254.2; 4T 136.4)