Ellen Chat Conversation

# Should an Adult High School Student Be in a Relationship? Have you ever felt torn between pursuing your education and the desire for companionship? This is a question many adult students wrestle with, and Ellen White offers clear, loving guidance on this important matter. Ellen White understood that the student years are a sacred time of preparation—not just academically, but spiritually and practically. She counsels that "while at school, students should not allow their minds to become confused by thoughts of courtship. They are there to gain a fitness to work for God, and this thought is ever to be uppermost" (CT 100). Notice her emphasis: you're there to gain fitness for God's work. This applies whether you're 18 or 48—the principle remains the same. ## The Wisdom of Focused Preparation Why does she give such direct counsel? Ellen White explains that "the good of society, as well as the highest interest of the students, demands that they shall not attempt to select a life partner while their own character is yet undeveloped, their judgment immature" (MYP 442). Even as an adult student, you're in a season of character development and preparation. Your education represents an investment—in yourself, and often by others who support you. She addresses this investment directly: "When a Conference selects young men and women, and aids them in obtaining an education for the canvassing field or any other branch of the work, there should be an understanding as to what they propose to do—whether they design to engage in courtship and marriage, or to labor for the advancement of the cause of truth" (SpTB16 16.1). While this specifically mentions conference-supported students, the principle applies broadly: education requires focus and commitment. ## The Cost of Divided Attention What happens when students pursue relationships during their education? Ellen White observed that "it is no use to spend time and money in the education of workers who will fall in love before they complete this education, and who can not resist the first temptation in the form of an invitation to marriage. In most cases the labor spent on such persons is wholly lost" (SpTB16 16.1). This isn't harsh judgment—it's practical wisdom born from observation. She continues with sobering honesty: When they enter the marriage relation, their usefulness in the work of God is at an end. They increase their family, they are dwarfed and crippled in every way, and can not use the knowledge they have obtained" (GCDB February 6, 1893, par. 10). The issue isn't that marriage is wrong, but that premature marriage during preparation often derails the very purpose of that preparation. ## A Higher Perspective Ellen White calls students to take as broad a view as possible of their obligations to Godand to "study earnestly how they can do practical work for the Master during their student life" (CT 100). This is about more than rules—it's about recognizing that God has a purpose for this season of your life. She even addresses the question of whether relationships might advance God's work: "Do not enter into a marriage engagement unless there are good and sufficient reasons for this step,—unless the work of God can be better advanced thereby. For Christ's sake deny inclination, lift the cross, and do the work for which you are educating yourselves" (PH048 28.3). ## Practical Application for Your Life **Here's what this means for you as an adult high school student:** - **Prioritize completion**: Focus on finishing what you've started. Your education is a sacred trust. - **Guard your heart and mind**: Romantic entanglements create emotional complexity that divides your attention. - **Consider the investment**: Whether you're self-supporting or receiving help, honor that investment by staying focused. - **Think long-term**: A few months or years of focused study can prepare you for decades of effective service and a stronger foundation for future relationships. The beautiful truth is that God has a plan for both your education AND your future relationships. By honoring this season of preparation, you're actually preparing to be a better partner when the right time comes. You're developing character, gaining skills, and growing spiritually—all qualities that will serve you well in marriage later. **Take a moment today** to reflect: What is God calling you to accomplish during this season of education? How can you honor Him by staying focused on the work He's given you to do right now? --- 💡 **You might also want to explore:** • What counsel did Ellen White give about choosing a life partner when the time is right? • How can students maintain proper relationships with the opposite sex while in school? • What does Ellen White say about the connection between character development and readiness for marriage? --- 📚 **hundreds of passages found** containing these search terms — [Explore in Full-Text Search](/advanced-search?q=Someone+is+studying+to+finish+their+high+school.++They+are+an+audlt+student.+Should+they+be+engaged+in+a+relationship)

# No—Encouragement, Not Discouragement, Is God's Way Are you feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of finishing your education while navigating questions about relationships? Take heart—God never calls us to discouragement, even when He asks us to wait on certain blessings. Let me be clear: **the counsel to focus on your studies rather than courtship is not meant to discourage you**—it's meant to protect and prepare you for greater blessings ahead. There's a profound difference between wise boundaries and discouragement. ## Education Should Never Break You Down Ellen White understood that the educational journey can feel overwhelming at times. She wrote with deep concern: "Let not God be dishonored by breaking down the man in the process of educating him; for a broken-down, discouraged man is a burden to himself" (2MCP 487.3). Notice her emphasis—God is not honored when the pursuit of education crushes your spirit. Your well-being matters to Him. She acknowledged the real struggles students face: "It is with feelings of inexpressible sadness, and sometimes almost with despair, that I contemplate the condition of the young, and see how difficult it is to encourage those to obtain an education to whom I know God has liberally entrusted capabilities" (CE 210.2). She understood the difficulty—yet she still encouraged students forward, not into despair. ## The Spirit of Encouragement in Education When challenges arise in the educational process, Ellen White's counsel is consistent: "In the word of God there is encouragement as well as caution. God forbid that the hands of those who are trying to carry forward this line of work should be weakened" (CT 316.3). Even when mistakes are made or progress seems slow, the spirit of Christ calls for encouragement, not crushing criticism. She specifically addressed teachers and mentors: "The teachers should not become discouraged because some are slow to learn. Neither should they discourage the students when mistakes are made. As errors and defects are kindly pointed out, the students in turn should feel grateful for any instruction given" (PH049 15.3). If teachers shouldn't discourage students who struggle, how much more should students refuse to discourage themselves? ## What Really Matters Most Here's the beautiful truth: "While the pursuit of knowledge in art, in literature, and in trades should not be discouraged, the student should first secure an experimental knowledge of God and His will" (CT 19.2). Notice—your pursuit of education should **not be discouraged**. What matters is keeping first things first: knowing God while you learn. The counsel about relationships during your student years isn't about denying you joy—it's about timing and priorities. It's about protecting your focus so you can finish strong and enter your future relationships as a more mature, prepared person. ## Persevere With Hope Remember this powerful principle: "Many children, for want of words of encouragement, and a little assistance in their efforts in childhood and youth, become disheartened, and change from one thing to another" (PH124 9.5). Don't let discouragement cause you to abandon your educational goals. You need encouragement to persevere—and that's exactly what God offers. **So should you be discouraged?** Absolutely not. Should you be focused, intentional, and willing to wait for the right timing in relationships? Yes. But discouragement is never God's tool—it's the enemy's. Press forward with hope, knowing that God honors those who put first things first and finish what they start. --- 💡 **You might also want to explore:** • What encouragement did Ellen White give to students who felt overwhelmed by their studies? • How can adult students maintain spiritual growth while pursuing education? • What counsel did she give about recognizing God's timing in major life decisions? --- 📚 **thousands of passages found** containing these search terms — [Explore in Full-Text Search](/advanced-search?q=Should+the+person+be+discouraged%3F+%5BContext%3A+education+school+Christian+teacher+CT+100+MYP+442+PH048+28%5D)

# Understanding Wise Counsel vs. Discouragement I understand you're asking whether the adult student should be actively discouraged from pursuing a relationship during their studies. Let me clarify the important distinction between wise counsel and discouragement. ## The Danger of Discouragement Ellen White was deeply concerned about the harmful effects of discouragement in any form. She wrote that we should "not hinder with discouragement any reasonable effort" (PH151 80.1). The principle here is clear: discouragement itself is something to be avoided, as it can cripple spiritual growth and progress. She emphasized that we must "exercise the gift the Lord has given him and use his influence to God's glory for the upbuilding of His cause. He must let his influence be exercised to encourage the church, to stand with them, instead of discouraging them" (15MR 335.1). Notice the emphasis on encouragement rather than discouragement. ## The Real Concern: Worldly Alliances However, there is a critical distinction to understand. Ellen White's concern was not about discouraging people in general, but about warning against spiritually dangerous choices. She wrote plainly: "It is a dangerous thing to form a worldly alliance. Satan well knows that the hour that witnesses the marriage of many young men and women closes the history of their religious experience and usefulness" (4T 504.3). This same warning appears again: "Once it was a privilege and joy to them to speak of their faith and hope; but they become unwilling to mention the subject, knowing that the one with whom they have linked their destiny takes no interest in it. As the result, faith in the precious truth dies out of the heart, and Satan insidiously weaves about them a web of skepticism" (CCh 122.1). ## The Right Approach So should the person be discouraged? **No—but they should be lovingly warned and counseled.** There's a profound difference between: 1. **Discouragement** (breaking down someone's spirit, causing despair) 2. **Wise counsel** (lovingly warning against spiritually dangerous choices) The key question is not whether to discourage the person, but whether the relationship itself is spiritually safe. If the potential partner shares their faith and commitment to God's work, that's one situation. If it's a "worldly alliance" with someone who doesn't share their spiritual values, Ellen White's counsel is clear about the danger. ## Moving Forward with Hope The approach should be one of prayerful guidance. Ellen White counseled: "Teach the people to seek God individually for guidance, to study the Scriptures, and to counsel together, humbly, prayerfully, and with living faith" (2SM 97.3). This is the spirit in which to address the question—not with discouragement, but with humble, prayerful seeking of God's will. The student should be encouraged to "follow the convictions of the Spirit of God, in harmony with your brethren. Watch unto prayer, and then commit the keeping of your soul to God, as unto a faithful Creator" (PH151 80.1). **The bottom line:** Don't discourage the person's spirit or crush their hope. Instead, lovingly help them understand the spiritual principles at stake, encourage them to seek God's guidance, and support them in making wise choices that will protect their faith and future usefulness in God's work. --- 💡 **You might also want to explore:** • What counsel did Ellen White give about choosing a life partner who shares your faith? • How can someone know if they're ready for marriage while still developing their character? • What role should prayer and counsel with mature Christians play in relationship decisions?