Based on Ellen White's extensive writings on child discipline, here are the key principles for disciplining children in the right way: ## Start Early and Be Consistent "Parents should commence their first lesson of discipline when their children are babes in their arms. Teach them to yield their will to yours. This can be done by bearing an even hand, and manifesting firmness" (1T 218.2). "Few parents begin early enough to teach their children to obey. The child is usually allowed to get two or three years the start of its parents, who forbear to discipline it, thinking it too young to learn to obey" (CT 111.3). ## Balance Firmness with Love The key principle is combining firmness with love: "Parents should have perfect control over their own spirits, and with mildness, and yet firmness, bend the will of the child until it shall expect nothing else but to yield to their wishes" (1T 218.2). "With firmness, all mixed with love, require your children to obey you. Your word should be implicitly obeyed" (4bSG 131.1). ## Avoid Two Extremes **Don't be too harsh:** "While many parents err on the side of indulgence, others go to the opposite extreme, and rule their children with a rod of iron... Such discipline is not Christlike. Children thus trained fear their parents, but do not love them" (CT 113). **Don't be too permissive:** "Even kindness must have its limits. Authority must be sustained by a firm severity, or it will be received by many with mockery and contempt. The so-called tenderness, the coaxing and the indulgence used toward youth by parents and guardians is the worst evil which can come upon them" (5T 45.1). ## The Goal: Self-Government "The object of discipline is the training of the child for self-government. He should be taught self-reliance and self-control. Therefore as soon as he is capable of understanding, his reason should be enlisted on the side of obedience" (Ed 287.2). ## When Physical Punishment May Be Necessary "The mother may ask, 'Shall I never punish my child?' Whipping may be necessary when other resorts fail; yet she should not use the rod if it is possible to avoid doing so. But if milder measures prove insufficient, punishment that will bring the child to its senses should in love be administered. Frequently one such correction will be enough for a lifetime, to show the child that he does not hold the lines of control" (CT 116). ## Create a Loving Home Environment "Administer the rules of the home in wisdom and love, not with a rod of iron. Children will respond with willing obedience to the rule of love. Commend your children whenever you can. Make their lives as happy as possible" (CT 114.2). ## Key Attitudes for Parents - **Control your own spirit first:** "Parents should have perfect control over their own spirits" (1T 218.2) - **Show love and understanding:** "You should ever impress upon your children the fact that you love them; that you are laboring for their interest; that their happiness is dear to you" (4T 140.1) - **Be patient and tender:** "How tenderly should you rebuke and correct their faults" (4T 140.1) - **Remember your own childhood:** "Parents should not forget their childhood years, how much they yearned for sympathy and love" (4bSG 131.1) The essence of right discipline is loving firmness that teaches obedience while preserving the child's trust and affection, with the ultimate goal of helping them develop self-control and willing submission to God's authority.