Whenever possible, this crisis should be avoided; for it means a severe struggle for both mother and child. But once such a crisis is entered into, the child must be led to yield its will to the wiser will of the parent. 7T 47.5 The mother should keep herself under perfect control, doing nothing that will arouse in the child a spirit of defiance. She is to give no loud-voiced commands. She will gain much by keeping the voice low and gentle. She is to deal with the child in a way that will draw him to Jesus. She is to realize that God is her Helper; love, her power. If she is a wise Christian she does not attempt to force the child to submit. She prays earnestly that the enemy shall not obtain the victory, and, as she prays, she is conscious of a renewal of spiritual life. She sees that the same power that is working in her is working also in the child. He becomes more gentle, more submissive. The battle is won. Her patience, her kindness, her words of wise restraint, have done their wo…
"A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."
EGW's advice on dealing with a child's defiance directly reflects the principle of using gentle words to avoid anger, as stated in Proverbs 15:1.
"These crises come also in the life of husband and wife, who, unless controlled by the Spirit of God, will at such times manifest the impulsive, unreasoning spirit so often manifested by children. As flint striking flint will be the conflict of will with will. 7T 48.2"
"For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would."
Both passages describe an internal conflict between opposing forces. EGW applies this to marital relationships, while Galatians 5:17 speaks of the conflict between flesh and spirit.
"My brother, be kind, patient, forbearing. Remember that your wife accepted you as her husband, not that you might rule over her, but that you might be her helper. Never be overbearing and dictatorial. Do not exert your strong will power to compel your wife to do as you wish. Remember that she has a will and that she may wish to have her way as much as you wish to have yours. Remember, too, that you have the advantage of your wider experience. Be considerate and courteous. “The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits.” James 3:17 . 7T 48.3"
"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy."
Ellen White directly references James 3:17 in this passage.
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,"
EGW directly quotes James 3:17 and applies its principles of kindness, patience, and gentleness to the relationship between husband and wife. The passage also echoes the sentiments of 1 Corinthians 13:4, particularly regarding kindness and patience.