Ellen White strongly cautioned against ruling children with "a rod of iron" or maintaining an unbending, cold, and dignified manner that prevents children from loving and confiding in their parents. She wrote: - "While many parents err on the side of indulgence, others go to the opposite extreme, and rule their children with a rod of iron. They seem to forget that they themselves were once children. They are dignified, cold, unsympathetic. Childish mirth and waywardness, the restless activity of the young life, find no excuse in their eyes. Trifling misdemeanors are treated as grave sins. Such discipline is not Christlike. Children thus trained fear their parents, but do not love them; they do not confide in them their childish experiences. Some of the most valuable qualities of mind and heart are chilled to death as a tender plant before the wintry blast." (Child Guidance, p. 113; see also CT 113) - "Brother L, you rule with a rod of iron in your family. You are severe in the government of your children. You will not gain their love by this course of management... You must learn how to make a home orderly, comfortable, and pleasant. Then adorn that home with becoming dignity, and the spirit will be received by the children; and order, regularity, and obedience will be more readily secured by both of you." (Testimonies for the Church, vol. 2, p. 259.1) - "Your children have the stamp of character that their parents have given them. How careful, then, should be your treatment of them; how tenderly should you rebuke and correct their faults. You are too stern and exacting, and have frequently dealt with them when you were excited and angry. This has almost fretted away the golden cord of love that binds their hearts to yours. You should ever impress upon your children the fact that you love them; that you are laboring for their interest; that their happiness is dear to you; and that you design to do only that which is for their good." (Testimonies for the Church, vol. 4, p. 140.1) - "Administer the rules of the home in wisdom and love, not with a rod of iron. Children will respond with willing obedience to the rule of love. Commend your children whenever you can. Make their lives as happy as possible. Provide them with innocent amusements. Make the home a Bethel, a holy, consecrated place. Keep the soil of the heart mellow by the manifestation of love and affection, thus preparing it for the seed of truth." (Child Guidance, p. 114.2; see also CT 114.2) In summary, Ellen White advocated for a balance of firmness and loving affection. She warned that an unbending, iron-like dignity leads to fear, not love, and can destroy the bond between parent and child. Instead, she encouraged parents to show tenderness, commendation, and to make the home a place of love and happiness, so that children will love and trust their parents. References: - White, E. G. (1954). Child Guidance. Washington, D.C.: Review and Herald Publishing Association, pp. 113–114. - White, E. G. (1948). Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 2. Mountain View, CA: Pacific Press Publishing Association, p. 259. - White, E. G. (1948). Testimonies for the Church, Vol. 4. Mountain View, CA: Pacific Press Publishing Association, p. 140.