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How to find a spouse?
Ellen White offers extensive counsel on finding a spouse, emphasizing careful consideration, prayer, and character over mere attraction or impulse. Here are key principles from her writings: 1. **Seek God's Guidance and Counsel from the Experienced** "If there is any subject which should be carefully considered and in which the counsel of older and more experienced persons should be sought, it is the subject of marriage; if ever the Bible was needed as a counselor, if ever divine guidance should be sought in prayer, it is before taking a step that binds persons together for life" (PP 175.4; CE 228.3). 2. **Prioritize Character and Spiritual Life** "Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life's burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love" (MH 359.3). 3. **Avoid Haste and Impulse** "There are many unhappy marriages because of so much haste. Two unite their interests at the marriage altar, by most solemn vows before God, without previously weighing the matter, and devoting time to sober reflection and earnest prayer. Many move from impulse. They have no thorough acquaintance with the dispositions of each other. They do not realize that the happiness of their life is at stake" (1SP 111.1; 3SG 120.1). 4. **Test Character and Compatibility** "When the suitor was required to render service to secure his bride, a hasty marriage was prevented, and there was opportunity to test the depth of his affections, as well as his ability to provide for a family... If the character of the suitor had been tested before marriage, according to the ancient custom, great unhappiness might have been prevented" (PP 189.1). 5. **Do Not Marry an Enemy of God** "Unless you would have a home where the shadows are never lifted, do not unite yourself with one who is an enemy of God" (5T 362.3). 6. **Develop Your Own Character First** "You have peculiarities of character which need to be sternly disciplined and resolutely controlled before you can with any safety enter the marriage relation. Therefore marriage should be put from your mind until you overcome the defects in your character, for you would not make a happy wife" (3T 336.2). 7. **Guard Against Sentimentalism and Worldly Influences** "Imagination, lovesick sentimentalism, should be guarded against as would be the leprosy. Very many of the young men and women in this age of the world are lacking in virtue; therefore great caution is needed. A virtuous character is the foundation upon which to build; but if the foundation is gone, the building is worthless" (5T 122.2). 8. **Find Happiness in Service, Not Just in Marriage** "You have not been happy, because you have been seeking after happiness. This is not profitable business. When you seek earnestly to do your duty, and arouse yourself to minister unto others, then you will find rest of spirit... in making them happy, you will find happiness and cheerfulness of spirit" (2T 248.3). In summary, Ellen White counsels that finding a spouse should be approached with prayer, careful thought, and a focus on character and spiritual compatibility, rather than impulse or mere attraction. Would you like more specific guidance on any of these points?
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