Based on the writings of Ellen White, the emphasis is on maintaining a united and sacred marriage relationship. Separation, particularly emotional and spiritual, is discouraged because it violates the principles of marriage and can lead to negative consequences for the family. Here are some key reasons presented:
### 1. Violating the Sanctity of the Marriage Vow
Ellen White cautioned that a woman who shares her family troubles or complains about her husband to another man is, in effect, creating a separation that dishonors her marriage vows. This act breaks down the protective barrier of the marriage and invites temptation.
> "When a woman relates her family troubles, or complains of her husband, to another man, she violates her marriage vows; she dishonors her husband and breaks down the wall erected to preserve the sanctity of the marriage relation; she throws wide open the door and invites Satan to enter with his insidious temptations. This is just as Satan would have it." (
2T 306.1)
### 2. The Importance of a United Interest
A wife, especially a minister's wife, is encouraged to have a "united interest" with her husband, working alongside him. This unity of purpose is essential for their shared mission and influence.
> "If a minister's wife accompanies her husband in his travels, she should not go for her own special enjoyment, to visit and to be waited upon, but to labor with him. She should have a united interest with him to do good." (
GW 201.2)
### 3. The Danger of Driving a Husband Away
A wife's disposition and behavior at home can either strengthen or weaken the marital bond. A negative or complaining attitude can drive a husband to seek comfort and sympathy elsewhere, leading to temptation and sin.
> "Their irritable, peevish disposition is indeed weaning from them the affections of their husbands and driving them to seek for sympathy, and peace, and comfort elsewhere than at home... The husband is subject to Satan's temptation, and his affections are placed on forbidden objects, and he is lured on to crime and finally lost." (
2T 464.3)
### 4. The Need for Mutual Support and Affection
The writings emphasize that a healthy marriage depends on mutual kindness and support. The husband is instructed to be a source of strength and encouragement for his wife, which in turn strengthens the family.
> "The father should encourage wife and mother to lean upon his large affections. Kind, cheerful, encouraging words from him with whom she has intrusted her life happiness, will be more beneficial to her than any medicine; and the cheerful rays of light which such sympathizing words will bring to the heart of the wife and mother, will reflect back their own cheering beams upon the heart of the father." (
SA 120.2)
### 5. The Husband's Responsibility
While discussing the wife's role, the writings also place significant responsibility on the husband. A husband who treats his wife with indifference or as a "slave" to his passions destroys love and can turn the marriage into a "galling yoke." His actions can lead to a miserable home and the emotional and spiritual separation of his wife.
> "Many professed Christians who passed before me seemed destitute of moral restraint... Men of this type degrade the wife whom they have promised to nourish and cherish. She is made an instrument to minister to the gratification of low, lustful propensities... The married life becomes a galling yoke; for love dies out, and frequently distrust, jealousy, and hate take its place." (
2T 474.1)
In summary, Ellen White's counsel focuses on preserving the unity and sanctity of marriage through mutual respect, shared purpose, and emotional support, warning against actions and attitudes from either partner that could lead to emotional or physical separation.